Watching Over You
by ShadowLordCC
Summary: DESTIEL! Castiel is a mighty, powerful angel of the lord stuck in the body of a twelve year old when he first meets Dean Winchester, a human with a significant roll to play in Castiel's own future. After having Dean placed in his care, Castiel tries to stay out of the boy's affairs as much as possible, but he can't keep that up forever.
1. Wings

Two young boys fought about dinner in the small kitchen of their hotel room. Their dad was out working, like he always was.

Castiel was watching their shadows through the blinds. He'd been sitting outside, across the road for a while now. He kicked at the dirt. Stuck, that's what he was. Stuck on the ground with everyone else. That wasn't so bad really, but he was stuck in a tiny little vessel, he couldn't do very much in this thing. Castiel suspected that one of his older brothers had something to do with it; they were always trying to mess with him.

"Fine!" one of the boys shouted and Castiel looked up at the shadows again.

"Where are you going?" an even smaller voice whined and both of the shadows disappeared.

"Out," came the shouted reply and a small boy came storming out the door. He slammed it behind him and shoved his hands into his pockets.

Castiel stood and raced to hide in a shadow. That was one good thing about Jimmy's little body… It was easy to hide.

The boy stopped in the middle of the path and looked up at the night sky. He frowned and spun around to where Castiel was.

Castiel pressed himself into the wall.

The boy came closer. He snapped out his arm and caught Castiel's collar. "You can't hide from me," he growled and pulled a knife out of his jeans.

Castiel deflected the blow and ducked away. He held out his hands.

The boy quickly fought back, stabbing the knife into Castiel's vessel.

Castiel pulled it out easily. It hurt, but he didn't let the pain show. He already seemed weak in Jimmy's body; he didn't want to be further humiliated.

"Are you a demon?" the boy asked.

Castiel stood up straight and cocked his head to the side. This boy knew about demons? That was unusual. "I am no demon," Castiel said. It was strange hearing his words come out in Jimmy's little voice.

"Then what… What are you?"

"I'm an angel of the lord."

The boy's eyes got impossibly wide and he staggered back. "I-I'm Dean," he stuttered quietly.

"Castiel..." The angel nodded and looked at a burn on the back of Dean's hand. "You were fighting with someone," he said.

Dean followed the angel's gaze and shrugged. "It… It was just my brother…" Dean knew that this was crazy. He'd never thought angels existed, and he certainly never thought they would look like the scrawny boy in front of him. "My dad said there's no such thing as angels…"

"And you always trust your father?"

"Sure, don't you trust yours?"

Castiel shuffled his small feet awkwardly, looking around at the different shades of grey concrete. "Of course I do…" he said finally. He looked back up at Dean.

"I don't believe that you're an angel," Dean said, putting his hands on his hips.

Castiel smiled and reached out, pressing two fingers to Dean's head. He knew he was being a little silly, but he had nothing else to do. He was stuck in this useless vessel; he might as well have a bit of fun.

Dean gasped and looked around. "We moved!" he shouted, wobbling uncertainly. "How did we move?"

They had indeed moved. They were standing on a dirt road that was running by a few empty fields. No longer in the city they'd been in. Castiel grinned, puffing up proudly.

"So…. You can fly?" Dean waved his arms around Castiel's shoulders, looking for any sign of wings.

"My wings are not visible to you. My true form would… melt your eyes out of your skull."

Dean pulled back, raising an eyebrow. "What else can you do?" Dean asked.

Castiel shrugged. He couldn't do very much right now, cut off from heaven, he was practically useless. "Would you… like to help me find out?

Dean responded with enthusiasm and put his hands on his hips, looking around for something. His eyes lit up and he smiled. "There's a half squished bird over there! Would you be able to heal it?" He pointed to flattened, dying mess in the middle of the road. Dean grabbed Castiel's sleave and dragged him over to it. They crouched down and Dean tried to ignore the blood and guts. Bird guts was different to people guts.

Castiel looked up at Dean as he scooped up the injured bird. Castiel couldn't help but feel a bit sad.

Dean was chewing on his lip and staring expectantly at the near dead bird with wide eyes. Innocence should have been etched into every soft line on that face, but it wasn't. Dean was not innocent. Dean knew what was real, what wasn't and he knew exactly how bad things could get. "Come on, Cas," he urged, nudging the angel gently.

Castiel stroked the blood-matted feathers gently, trying to coax the bird back in to life. He shut his eyes. It was difficult and tiring, but it wasn't like he'd need this energy for anything else, so he pulled the bird back into the world and it seemed to puff up in his hands, tiny wings fluttering, struggling against even smaller fingers. It tickled. That was a sensation Cas had never really felt before. He smiled and opened his hands, letting the bird fly free. He watched it as it disappeared into the night and continued to stare up at the stars once it was gone.

Dean gasped. "Okay… so you really are and angel," he whispered, a smile spreading across his face. He looked up at the sky and for a moment the street light showed his face clearly. Freckled nose, full lips and when he smiled, a lop sided grin with a gap between his front teeth.

Castiel thought that he should probably look in a mirror. He'd seen Jimmy from the outside, but things looked different in a mirror and it would be useful to feel home in his body. He looked down at the clothes he was wearing; baggy, black pants and a navy blue shirt that stretched almost down to his knees.

"I think there's a car coming," Dean mumbled and clamber to his feet, dusting off the knees of his jeans though they weren't dirty.

Cas looked down at the road. He could hear the roaring of an engine. He didn't move. He didn't know why exactly, but he just stayed there until the car came into view and Dean had to grab his arm and yank him off the road. Cas stumbled after the boy, getting dragged over to the fence that blocked off a field.

Dean was panting. He pressed himself back, trying to shrink away as the car came speeding past, narrowly missing them. He turned to Castiel. "I should get back to my brother," he announced and looked at the road, a lost look on his face.

Castiel nodded. "Of course… I will return you to your family." Two fingers to Dean's head later and they were standing outside the hotel room again.

Dean looked at the dingy room. He wanted to stay with Castiel and go somewhere he didn't have to worry about Sam. "Hey, Cas? Tomorrow… can you take me somewhere?"

Cas raised an eyebrow. "Where?"

"Somewhere far away. Just for a while…" Dean smiled at the boy in front of him. Castiel wasn't really an angel to Dean. He was just another boy, someone closer to his age than Sammy. He'd had enough of his brother. Little, five year old Sam who asked too many questions and refused to do what he was told. Dean opened the door and slipped inside, he raced around to the window and pulled back the curtain.

Castiel was still standing there, scratching at his shaggy brown hair that was in need of a haircut. The angel shivered and hugged himself, turning around and starting to walk away. He looked so lost. He looked like he had nowhere to go.

Dean bit his lip and ran back outside. "Hey, Cas!" he called out.

The boy turned around, surprised.

"Do you have anywhere to go?" Dean asked and held the door open.

Cas shook his head and stumbled inside the room.

There was a little boy, fast asleep on the couch, mouth hanging open.

Castiel stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, stretching the shirt he was wearing even further.

Dean handed a can of coke from the fridge and grabbed one for himself.

Cas looked at the can curiously. He didn't know what to do with it.

Dean snickered and reached over to open it for him. "You drink it," he said and smiled, sipping at his own drink.

Castiel gave it a sniff and set it down on the coffee table.

Dean asked Cas a lot of questions. He got answers that made absolutely no sense to him, but he really couldn't be bothered asking again, so he just listened patiently and kept glancing at Sam.

Sammy snorted and moaned in his sleep, wriggling a bit.

Dean curled up on the couch next to his brother, even though he did have his own room.

Castiel rested his head against the wall and closed his eyes, silently trying to reach his brothers. He couldn't. He had no clue what was going on up there. Cas felt bad, just sitting here with a human boy, not doing anything… He could travel distances with only a small amount of difficulty and he could only just heal a little bird, so there wasn't really much else he could do. So why not try to do a bit of good down here? Why not help out a boy who needs exactly what Castiel can provide? An escape.

In the middle of the night, there was a knock on the door. Dean woke with a start, turning to look at his brother, who was staring back, wide eyed. He then turned to Castiel, who was sitting with his head tipped to the side, looking at the door.

Dean slipped from the couch, stretching out his sore muscles. He staggered over to the door and looked through the peep hole. His dad stood there, bleeding and looking very sleepy. Dean turned back to look at the Angel who was slowly getting to his feet. Dean slowly unlocked the door, opening it so that his father could stumble in.

John Winchester pushed past his eldest son and went straight to the fridge.

Dean looked around the room, panicked, but he needn't have been.

The angel was gone. He'd vanished and part of believed that he'd never been there at all.

Castiel watched Dean as he tried to tell his father about the little angel who he'd met. Cas watched as if behind a screen. He was there, but no one could see him and he was distanced from everything.

Sam shouted about Dean leaving him alone and their father froze with a beer in his hand.

He started yelling at Dean. Shouting about how angels aren't real and how Sammy could have been hurt.

Castiel wished he could step in. He didn't like watching this and not being able to just reveal himself ad prove Dean's dad wrong. He waited. Then he couldn't wait any longer and he stepped right up to Dean and dragged him away. Far away.

Dean gasped and staggered and fell over as he looked around at their new surroundings. He looked up at Cas in surprise, panting slightly. "Where are we?"

Castiel looked around him. "I think we're in… Paris," he nodded to himself. He hadn't really meant to end up here…

Dean spluttered something along the lines of, "why are we in Paris," and rubbed at his eyes.

Cas shrugged.

Dean stood then and grabbed the slightly older looking boy's arm. "Let's go do some sightseeing!" he said cheerfully and started dragging Castiel along the path.

By the time it got dark, Dean and his little angel friend were running down an impossibly narrow alleyway. They were being chased by something, a demon or some other monster. Dean had pissed him off stealing a biscuit and he wasn't going to let them go easily.

Dean seemed to be enjoying it. He had his knife gripped tightly in his hands and kept pushing Cas out of the way whenever he stepped in front of him.

The creature shoved Dean aside roughly and stood in front of Castiel. It grinned, licking its lips slowly.

There was the faint sound of wings and then a much taller man was in between Castiel and the Demon.

"Balthazar," Castiel obviously tried to growl, but it came out a childish squeal.

Castiel's brother turned around and grabbed Cas' arm tightly. He then went to Dean and with one tap on the shoulder, Dean was gone, back to his family.

Cas started to protest, but he was dragged away, small vessel getting yanked back home.

* * *

**Note: **I started this while taking part in GISHWHES so updates will not be as constant as they could otherwise. ^_^ Also, they're 5 years older in the next bit I upload.


	2. Not Real

_"He was an angel!" Dean shouted._

_"Dean, there is no such thing as angels," John Winchester growled at his son._

_"Mum thought they were real!"_

_"She didn't really. Angels are like Santa. Besides, even if she did think they were real, she was wrong!"_

_Dean slumped in defeat and sat on the couch. "He save a bird," he whispered and closed his eyes._

_He heard his mother's voice whispering softly, 'Angels are watching over you.'_

**- 5 years later –**

"But why do we have to go to school at all?!" Sam dragged down on Dean's jacket, planting his feet firmly on the ground.

Dean rolled his eyes. "I don't like it any more than you do," he huffed. He hated it all, moving around and always being the new kid. He always tried to seem cool. He tried to make a good impression and most of the time, he succeeded at doing that. Dean hooked his thumb into the strap of his backpack and continued along the path, half dragging Sam behind him.

Then Dean had to unhook Sam's fingers from his jacket and shove him through the gates. "you'll be fine, Sammy," he called out. "If you have any trouble, just come find me."

Sam nodded and walked away.

Dean sighed and walked a little way up the road before turning off and heading towards the large, ugly brick building that loomed over him. He stopped and stared at it as the wind sent a shiver up his spine.

"Hello, Dean," it was a voice that was somehow strangely familiar. Well, not the voice itself, but the way the words sounded…

Dean turned around.

The boy standing in front of him was skinny and pale with messy, shaggy brown hair and ridiculously girly lips. Though he was a stranger, there was something about him that was familiar.

Dean took a step back. "How do you….? Who are you?"

"You may not remember me… but my name is Castiel," the boy said, sounding older than his years.

Dean remembered Castiel. He clearly remembered the little boy who he'd always thought was just an imaginary friend, just a made up angel that saved him from the lonely nights as a hunter.

But no. There he was, standing there in jeans and a weird dark grey shirt, with his hands in the pockets of a soft-looking black jacket.

Dean adjusted the backpack again and looked around at the people who were walking past. "Yeah, I remember you," Dean muttered. He wondered momentarily whether he was going insane. Imaginary friends generally stayed in your childhood, but Castiel seemed to be throwing the imaginary friend rule book out the window. "What are you doing here?"

Cas looked down at the ground and shuffled his bare feet awkwardly. "I got my vessel back, and I thought I'd make sure that you were okay," he admitted.

Dean raised an eyebrow. "Your vessel?"

"This body is not mine. It is not my true form. I let him grow up a bit. I did not like being a twelve year old…" he trailed off and looked down at his shirt curiously.

"Who is he…?"

"His name is Jimmy Novak. He's 17 years old now… I found him in the psychiatric ward of a hospital… he… was not in a good shape and only just agreed to letting me in." Cas looked back up and flicked the dark hair out of his eyes.

Dean stepped back and narrowed his eyes. "What do you mean…?"

Castiel took a step forward. "He must agree to let me use him. I managed to convince him. He didn't have much of a life anyway," he smiled tightly and squinted up at the huge brick building.

Dean muttered something about needing to get to school and started trudging towards the office. He didn't get it. Why was Cas there? Why did it matter that he was okay? He was just a stupid teenager.

Castiel let him go. There was the quiet sound of wings as he folded into the air.

Dean shook his head and trudged into the front office, collecting his timetable and locker number. He kept looking over his shoulder, half expecting Castiel, blue eyes to be staring back at him. He knew it was silly though. "He's not real… you're just losing it," he whispered to himself as he wandered in sufficiently early to his first class.

Maths. Not Dean's strong point. It would have been difficult even if he had been there at the start of the topic, but now, getting any of the numbers to sink in was nearly impossible. He didn't need to know this stuff anyway. All he needed to know was which end of a knife to point at things and useful tips for keeping the bad stuff at bay. He needed to know how to fight and be strong, not figure out how much interest Jenny owes Marvin. So, Dean didn't even bother paying attention. He just slumped down in his chair and stared out the window,

A skinny dark haired boy stuck his head out from behind a tree, eyes darting around frantically. Castiel frowned in suspicion and walked forward, a frown carved into his face and his icy blue eyes, full of intent.

As Dean watched, Cas walked behind another tree. He didn't come out the other side. He sort of just…. Disappeared. Dean shook head and continued carving a devils trap into the desk with the small pocket knife that always sat in his pocket. _Not real, not real, he's not real. Dad says there's no such thing as angels_.

"Mr Winchester," the teacher snapped at him, adjusting her hair slightly as she began walking over to Dean's seat.

Dean didn't remember her name and shrank back as she approached. "Yes?"

The woman stopped in front of the desk. "You may be new at this school, but I still expect you to pay attention," she said, her voice so sickly sweet that it was terrifying.

Dean sat up a bit straighter and nodded, glancing out of the window for any sign of the angel before facing the chalk board. He'd only spent twenty minutes at this school, and already he was convinced that one of his teachers was a demon… and if she wasn't? Well, Dean kind of wished he could gank her anyway. Another hour of staring absent-mindedly at numbers and trees outside later and the bell rang. Dean launched from his seat, feeling the need to just, sit outside for a while and get some fresh air.

After a few minutes of vaguely searching for his 'imaginary' friend, Dean decided to go see how Sam was doing. He jogged down the road, scaled the fence and dropped down to the other side, spotting little Sam quickly. "Sammy," he whispered.

Sam looked up from the book he was reading. "Dean? What are you doing here?"

"Just checking up on my little brother," Dean said, grinning. "Want to get out of here?"

"No."

Dean raised his eyebrows.

"It's our first day, Dean! I don't want to screw up," Sam went back to reading the book.

Dean rolled his eyes and leant back against the fence. "What if I said that I think some of the teachers are demons?"

"You think all of your teachers are demons," Sam sighed.

"Oh come on, Sammy! My math teacher is evil!" Dean whined, grinning from ear to ear. He turned around and pulled himself back up on the fence and slid down the other side. He half expected Sam to follow him. Perhaps if he could actually find a demon, he could drag Sam over to look for more.

So Dean trudged back into the huge brick building that was to become his prison for a few weeks.

It was empty. Strangely empty. As if the whole school was evacuated while he was away. The wind whistled eerily through open doors and windows and blew loose papers through the empty corridors.

Dean took a hesitant step in, pulling his knife out of his pocket and sticking close to the wall.

"You should get out of here," a deep-ish voice was whispering in his ear.

Dean spun around and lashed out at whoever it was.

Castiel ducked under the blade, grabbed Dean's arm and twisted it behind his back, forcing him to let the knife go. "Demons have possessed everyone in the school. You should go."

"Why?" Dean winced as his arm was let go and rubbed at his shoulder.

"You are one, little boy. You cannot possible get out of a fight with that many demons. Not alive anyway. I will take care of it."

"I'm still convinced you aren't just in my head…"

"What?" Castiel asked impatiently.

Dean licked his lips and picked up his knife again. "You said you were an angel, brought a bird back to life, took me to Paris and then you disappeared. I was nine years old! I thought you were just some imaginary friend!"

Cas didn't respond. He just turned to face the corridor and started walking forwards. "Get out of here, Dean. Go home."

"No way," Dean mumbled and followed closely behind the angel.

_"Castiel, do you know who you just met?" Balthazar asked._

_Cas nodded. "Dean Winchester."_

_"You better not mess things up with him. He has a role to play," Balthazar walked away, leaving Castiel standing by himself in the garden._

_Cas nodded to himself again. "He's going to need someone to watch over him," he whispered._

_Balthazar turned around momentarily. "yes," he said to his brother, "he will."_

Castiel knew that he would get in trouble for this. He wasn't exactly doing what he was told to do. He was told to watch out for Dean, not show himself and stop Dean doing dangerous things at all. Still, Cas knew that he would have had to help out with the demon problem anyway. He was also pretty sure that Dean wouldn't appreciate being lied to about Cas' vessel.

Jimmy hadn't merely agreed. He'd been in so much pain that he had begged for Castiel to jump back in.

It didn't make any sense to Cas, but humans rarely did. So Cas had taken him over, slowly getting used to the awkward, lanky teenage body. He felt little regret about sending Jimmy's mental health spiralling down. It was merely a side-effect from being a vessel at such a young age and there wasn't much he could have done to protect the boy from that fate. He had told Dean that Jimmy had needed convincing. It made him feel better about himself.

Cas could hear the demons whispering in a little way down the shiny-floored corridor. He thought that he heard Dean's name mention and he glanced briefly in the direction of the human that had been placed in his care.

"What is it?" Dean whispered, noticing that Cas' eyes were on him.

Cas turned away. "What room is down there?" he asked.

Dean's brow furrowed in thought. He reached into his pocket eventually, and pulled out a crumpled map of the school. "It's the sports stadium."

That made sense. Gathering in the one large space was obviously imperative to their plan. Whatever that was…

Cas started walking forward again, all too aware that a human boy was standing next to him, planning on getting in the middle of what was probably over 600 demons.

"I told Sammy that my math teacher was a demon," Dean muttered and twirled the knife around in his hand.

Cas debated whether or not to ask how Dean's brother was, but decided against it. He walked straight up to the large double doors at the end of the corridor and the crashed open in front of him. The lights overhead began flickering and every single black eye fixed on him.

No one seemed to notice Dean ducking into the room and sticking to the edges. They all just stared at the angel, clearly surprised that he looked so weak.

Castiel stepped forward and grabbed the head of one of the demons, killing them.

"What the…?" Dean's whispered, confused question echoed around the room and silence fell over the crowd.

Then, one by one, the black eyes turned to Dean and a few of the demons even made a dash for the boy.

Cas got there before him, smacking his palm into the demon's forehead and ending its existence. He turned to Dean. "If you do not run, I will force you to leave," he growled.

Dean frowned. "Even you couldn't take on all of these guys by yourself…"

"Leave!" Cas roared and grabbed Dean's shoulder roughly, forcing him away. Then he turned and faced the demons.

In the back of his mind, Cas could hear Dean shouting at him, praying as he had when he was younger.

_Castiel… If you don't come back… If you don't prove to me that you're not just in my head… _

He stopped there and the words echoed strangely around Castiel's head. He knew where Dean had been headed with those words. He could finish that sentence all by his self.

The words came again and Cas kicked aside a demon that had launched itself at him.

_Just… Don't die. Okay?_


	3. Weird Angel

Dean made sure that he was waiting right there when Sam walked out of the gates, waving at some new friend he'd made. Dean never made friends. They just made it harder to leave. They never stayed in the one place for too long, so what was the point in getting attached to people.

Sam smiled at his brother as he came closer. "How was your day?" he asked.

Dean bit his lip and avoided Sam's gaze. He ruffled the ten year old's hair as he started walking back down the street. He wanted more than anything to go back and look for Castiel, but keeping Sam safe was more important. If Sam didn't stay safe… if Dean didn't look after him, their father would not be happy, to say the least.

Sam frowned and stalked after his brother, trying to keep up.

Their motel was cramped and brightly coloured with large pink circles covering one wall. The other walls had various shiny things dangling off of them and both boys cringed every time they entered it.

"When's Dad going to come back?" Sam asked quietly as he dumped his bag on the floor.

Dean put a hand on his brother's shoulder. "I don't know, Sammy… it won't be too long, I promise."

"But why couldn't we just go help him for once?" Sam started whining as he sat down on the couch.

Dean rolled his eyes. "You know why. Imagine how Dad would react if something happened to us." He bit his lip again and pulled back rosy pink curtain slightly. He looked back at Sam and tossed him a block of chocolate that he'd had sitting in his pocket for a while.

"What's this for?" Sam asked, inspecting the chocolate suspiciously.

"I have to go out for a bit… but you're okay here, right?" Dean grabbed hold of the doorhandle.

"Dad will be angry," Sammy muttered, taking a bit of the chocolate.

Dean nodded, "but you're not going to tell him about this, are you, Sammy? You're going to keep the door locked and you're not going to let anyone in."

Sam frowned. "Dean, you can't leave me! I'm just a kid!"

"So am I, but Dad still left us here. Please, Sam! Promise you won't tell," he gave Sam his best puppy dog eyes and clasped his hands together in front of his face.

"Fine…"

"Thank you!" Dean opened the door and stepped outside so fast that he tripped and stumbled back, using the doorhandle to keep himself on his feet. He looked around quickly to make sure no one had seen what would have been a very embarrassing thing for someone to see. He walked quickly down the path, towards the school. The sooner he found out that the stupid angel was alive and could get back to his brother, the better.

The windows were all shattered, glass everywhere. The large front doors were hanging off their hinges and creaking in the breeze.

Dean gripped his knife and walked forward, each of his footsteps crunching as he walked over broken glass. "Castiel?" he whispered into the empty corridors.

The wind whistled through the doorways and blew papers around the place.

Something smacked into him from behind and he was sent sprawling. He skidded along the floor and crashed into one of the lockers that lined the walls. The weight pressing down on his lifted and fingers dug into his arms. He was flipped over. Dean blinked up at the dark figure that loomed over him. He kicked out, ripping free of the demon's grasp. He leapt to his feet. As soon as he was standing upright the demon crashed into him again. He smacked back into the locker. Pain exploded at the back of his head and all of the air was forced out of his lungs.

"Dean!" A loud shout was followed by a bright light and the demon in front of him screamed.

It crumpled and fell sideway.

Dean slipped to the floor, breathing hard and trying to ignore the pain in his head. He looked up. "You're alive," he whispered.

Castiel nodded. He had blood drying in his hair, making it stick up in weird ways. He had a small cut on his cheek and a slightly crazed look in his eye. "Of course," he said, his voice even as he reached out and helped Dean to his feet. "Are you hurt?"

Dean shook his head slightly, but he touched the back of his head and nearly fell over. Blood was swelling at a large gash, probably from whacking his head on someone's lock. He stumbled and nodded.

Cas reached out and pressed his fingers to Dean's head. He held them there for a bit though Dean was healed, frowning to himself as he let the fingers trail their way down the boy's cheek.

Dean jerked back and whacked Cas' hand away. He rubbed at the back of his head curiously and smiled at Cas. "Thanks," he mumbled and looked around the empty school. "What did all of those demons want anyway?"

"You."

"Why me?"

Cas paused, arguing with himself internally. Then he looked down, avoiding Dean's gaze. "Because you are important."

"I'm really not…" Dean trailed off and picked his knife up of the floor, tucking it back into his jeans. "Can you give me a lift home?"

Cas nodded and touched Dean's arm lightly.

Dean felt his stomach drop and then he was standing in front of the motel.

Cas' mouth almost twitched up into a smile. Almost, but not quite. "Leave this town, Dean."

"I can't… Dad's not back yet…" Dean bit his lip. "Does that mean I'll need someone to watch over us?" Dean asked, a spark of hope in his voice.

Cas frowned and cocked his head to the side. "I will… stay with you… If you wish…"

A smile broke out across Dean's face. "You don't want someone as important as me to get hurt, do you?" He raised his eyebrows and sauntered away.

Cas shook his head slowly and followed behind him, slipping out of everyone's view. He felt more comfortable when no one could see him.

_"What are you doing, Castiel?" Uriel asked curiously._

"The boy needs someone to make sure he's okay… at least until he can leave town."

"This was not the plan, Castiel."

Cas shut his eyes. "I know, but keeping him safe was always going to be necessary."

"You are getting too close to him," Uriel growled.

"Is that really such a bad thing?"

Cas stood by the window, staring out as raindrops began to fall. He wouldn't stay here for too long. The boys' father would come and take them away and he would go back to watching from afar.

The demons wanted Dean. They didn't want to kill him, just to keep a _very_close eye on him. They were afraid. Afraid of what would come to pass. Afraid that Dean would say yes to Michael as he was destined to.

Cas turned back to where Dean and Sam sat eating their breakfast. He was vaguely aware of a high pitched buzzing in his ear. He managed to push it away until it started getting louder. He squeezed his eyes shut and turned back to the window. The sound became painful. It felt like something was stabbing him in the head. He doubled over, forced to use the windowsill to hold himself up.

_'Help me…'_

The voice in his head sounded like his own, but it was intruding, blocking out all other thoughts with its ghostly echo.

Cas took a deep breath and held it until the voice and the pain faded away, back to the quiet buzz.

"Cas?"

Castiel spun around eyes wide and panicked. He was almost surprised to see the two boys sitting on the couch with their spoons half way to their mouths. "I'm fine," he grumbled though no one had asked him. It was more for his own benefit than anyone else's. He straightened himself up and glanced briefly at the reflection in the window. Who could have sworn he saw that face move and contort though he didn't move a muscle. He shut his eyes again and turned back.

"Dean…. Is there something wrong with your weird angel?" the younger boy asked, putting his spoon in his bowl of cereal and clambering to his feet. He took a few steps closer to Castiel and peered at him curiously. He reached out and jabbed in the stomach with one finger.

Cas frowned at Sam then raised an eyebrow at Dean quizzically. "What are you aiming to accomplish by poking me in the stomach?" He asked quietly.

Sam shrugged and went to finish his cereal. "Can you fly me to school?"

Dean snorted and nearly spurted cereal everywhere.

Cas felt as if he'd walked into a window that he hadn't known was there. A smile tugged at his lips and he nodded, kind of lost for words.

Sam went to get his things, leaving a half full bowl of cereal on the coffee table.

"Your brother… he has a certain… innocence about him… you don't have that," Cas said quietly as he watched Dean's face carefully.

Dean cleared his throat and rubbed at his eyes. His eyes flickered up to meet Castiel's and he ran his fingers through his hair. "I guess that's just something you don't get when you actually remember watching your mother burn to death," he got to his feet. "Sammy!" He called out. "Make sure you're careful today. If you see any signs of demons, you come right back here, okay?"

Cas put a hand on Sam's shoulder as he came closer with his bag slung over one shoulder.

Sam looked around in a daze when he realised that they were suddenly at the school. He looked up at the angel. "Dean's going to pretend that he doesn't really need your protection," Sam said, suddenly sounding so much older than he was. "But he does need protecting. And he needs the company," he smiled sadly and wandered off.

Castiel scratched at his head before returning to the motel.

Uriel had called him a babysitter, but that's not what Castiel felt like. He didn't feel like he was merely keeping Dean out of trouble. He thought and hoped that he was something more than that. He felt like he was being a friend.


	4. Prayers

"Your brother… he seems worried about you," Cas sat down on the carpeted floor and stared at the swirly pink wallpaper.

Dean grunted quietly. "He shouldn't be… It's my job to worry about him."

Cas' eyebrows knitted together and he tried to understand. "Sam's your brother… It shouldn't be your job…" he was barely audible as he muddled through his own confusing thoughts.

There was a knock on the door and both boys froze.

Castiel pushed himself to his feet. He jumped to the other side of the door and found himself standing behind a small group of demons. He could see their faces. Their real faces, not just those of the innocent people they were possessing. They were hideous. Castiel still felt slightly nauseated every time he looked at one. Cas went back to Dean. "We have to leave," he said.

"But Dad isn't back…"

"That is not of import. We must go get your brother and get far, far away from here," Cas vanished for a few seconds and was suddenly walking out of a bedroom, flinging two suitcases onto the couch.

"No, Cas! If I leave without telling Dad, he will be so… angry," Dean's face twitched at the massive understatement.

"Dean… if we stay here, you are going to get killed. I can't be here all the time and when I'm not here, they will get you."

Dean bit his lip. It took everything he had to not open his mouth and argue that his life wasn't important. He only managed it because he thought about what would happen to Sammy if he died. He would be alone… and it wouldn't be too long before he got himself into trouble. Dean just nodded and let the angel zap him to Sam's school. "They won't go for Sam yet… will they?"

"No, probably not… not yet, anyway," Cas tugged on the bottom of his jacket before wrapping it around him though he could not feel the cold.

"Then let's pick him up at the end of the day? For now can we just… I don't know… " Dean looked down at his feet. "Can we go to like, a park or something? Somewhere outside?"

Castiel raised his eyebrows and looked around him. As long as they were far enough away, a park should be okay. He sighed and dumped the suitcases in a place he could easily retrieve them. Then he returned, surprising Dean as he placed a hand on the other boy's shoulder. He knew of a nice, quiet little park, almost completely blocked off from footpaths and roads. There was one little rocky path that cut through the middle, leading to a small, bubbling stream. The trees over-head leaned inwards so only the smallest flashes of blue could be seen through the leaves. It was quiet and secret and safe. So that's were Castiel took Dean.

Dean stumbled slightly as shook his head, rubbing at his temples momentarily. "Am I ever going to get used to that?" he grumbled and then he blinked up at his surroundings. His eyes widened and he stood up straight. A shiver ran up his spine and not a bad one. He shivered because he felt like this place and jumped right out of some Disney movie.

Castiel leant back against one of the moss covered trees and examined the green grass.

Dean sighed in relief and sat down, lying back and staring at the leaves above him. It was a relief to be relatively alone. No Sam, no dad, no demons and no fighting for his life. He didn't know why these demons were suddenly all after him, but he really didn't feel like fighting right now. He liked it sometimes, but not all the time… and he hated his father's secrets and he hated being left behind.

They were quiet for hours, just lying or sitting and listening to the birds and the trickle of the stream.

Dean was the one who started talking. "When I was nine… you said that you trusted your father…. Did you mean… God?"

Cas nodded and dug his hands into his pockets.

"God's real? Actual proper, God? He exists?" Dean pushed himself up onto his elbows. He would inevitably stain the sleeves of the blue, plaid shirt. "Wow… well, I don't know what he has against my family, but he hasn't really been a big help…"

"God has never meant to be kind," Cas rested his head back and looked at the small diamond of blue sky that he could see through the trees.

Dean started chewing on his lip. "And he tells you what to do? I mean… he gives you orders and you do what he says?" It was a guess, but it seemed likely.

Cas straightened up, jaw clenching and eyes growing wider. "I shouldn't be here," he said, voice low and gravelly. "I should have taken you to your father and left," he sounded panicked as he walked over to Dean and grabbed him roughly by the arm. "I was never meant to be your friend," he huffed as he took them to Sam's school.

The kids were all outside, eating or just mucking around.

Sam was sitting cross-legged in the shade of a tree, nibbling on an apple. He looked up as he heard Castiel approach. "What's wrong…?"

Cas didn't answer, just took the boy and went back to Dean.

"Cas, man, don't do this. You were doing a great job of keeping us safe," Dean didn't want to be taken to their father. John Winchester would be all kinds of angry and Dean hated it when he got like that, when he got so angry that it was dangerous to be around him.

"It was never part of the plan… so now you must go. I know where your father is. I'll take you to him…" Cas shuffled his feet and sighed sadly. "I'm sorry, Dean…"

Then that weird feeling of leaving your stomach behind came again and Sam and Dean were falling to their hands and knees in front of their father, who stumble back, eyes wide, dropping the bear that had been in his hand.

John's eyes flickered up to Castiel and his jaw dropped. "Who are you?" His voice came out as a breath.

"My name is Castiel. I'm an Angel of the Lord… and I am returning your sons to you. They were not safe where they were."

John frowned. "An angel…." He scoffed and reached out to pull Dean to his feet. "Come on boys… I've finished the job. Let's just get out of here."

"Can't Cas come too?" Sam asked. He seemed to switch a lot between your typical ten year old and a very serious and intelligent young boy who really acted older than he was.

Cas' mouth twitched into a smile. He almost wanted to reach out and ruffle the boy's hair as he had seen Dean do a few times. He just shook his head. "I cannot come with you Sam."

"But you can help us… fight monsters and things." Sam's eyes were huge shining orbs that nearly took up the entirety of his face. His stuck his bottom lip out and glared up at the angel. "You can keep Dean safe!"

Castiel glanced at Dean and felt a strange pang in his heart. He knelt down so that he was looking up at Sam. He didn't really know what he was doing… he didn't know how to deal with children, but Jimmy knew and Jimmy was guiding him now. "Sam… I will always be with you, keeping you safe. If I don't go with you now, even if you can't see me, I will be looking after you and your brother." Cas smiled and Sam frowned down at him. Castiel got to his feet and turned to Dean. "If any of you ever need me, just pray."

John huffed and gently pushed the boys forwards.

They walked away from Cas, who dug his hands into his pockets and smiled sadly.

Dean twisted his head around and lifted a hand to wave a goodbye.

John reached out and tugged Dean around, starting to move faster.

"I told you that he was an angel," Dean muttered under his breath.

"Yes, you did… good for you. I don't trust him."

_"That was sweet, Castiel," Uriel sounded disgusted._

Cas ignored him and squinted up at the clouds that had gathered. Castiel often found himself ignoring his brothers and sisters.

"You're not going to go back to him, are you?"

Cas looked down at his hands as he clasped them together. "Not yet."

**5 years later -**

Dean tossed to shovel aside and wiped his forehead. "You know, you could have helped me," he glared up at Sam as he hoisted himself up and out of the grave.

"Just burn the bones already," Sam shivered and blew on his hands to warm them.

Dean grabbed the salt and oil they had… acquired from some friendly folk down the road and emptied what was left of each thing over the skeleton. He let the empty containers fall to the ground and pulled his lighter out of his pocket. He flicked the flame into life and let it fall onto the bones.

The resulting flames warmed the air around them and Sam held his hands out above them. "So, now that that's over can we go back to the hotel?"

Dean didn't answer. He didn't move, either. He stood there and waited until the flames died down so that he could reach in with a covered hand and pull out his lighter. He picked up the shovel from beside him and tossed it at his brother.

Sam groaned and started filling the grave in.

Back at the hotel both Dean and Sam announced that they needed sleep and went to their respective beds.

Their father was out again. He hadn't told them where he'd gone, only that he would be back in about a week.

Dean stared up at the ceiling as he waited for Sammy's breathing to even out. Then, he sat up and closed his eyes, clasping his hands under his chin as he started whispering. "Hey, Cas… It's Dean... I don't know if you can hear me, but I'm prayin'… I thought you might like to know that me and Sam are okay… Sam's being a bit difficult at the moment, but we're safe… It would be nice to see you though," Dean opened his eyes and quickly checked to see if he'd woken up Sam. He'd never been one for praying, but Castiel had been gone for five years and praying helped Dean to remember him. It was a sort of ritual he had. Twice a month, Dean would let the angel know that he was safe and he would say that it would be nice to see him, though there really wasn't a point. Dean wriggled down under the covers and closed his eyes, wishing that sleep would come sooner rather than later.

In the morning, everything started off as it usually did. Dean went down the street to buy some pie for his breakfast and to buy something that Sam would push away in disgust. He came back, scoffed down his food and watched Sam as he pulled out that morning's newspaper and looked for any jobs.

"I heard you last night, you know," Sam said without looking up.

Dean nearly choked on his pie, but managed to swallow the food before any real damage was done. "I have no idea what you're talking about…"

"You were praying to Castiel."

Dean grimaced and put his fork down.

"You know, Dean… if you really want to see him that bad, all you have to do is pretend it's an emergency," Sam put the newspaper down and stared at his brother.

"I don't know, man… I'd feel like a waste of his time if I did that…" he felt his ears grow warm and frowned at himself.

Sam smiled. "You don't need to do it," he chuckled.

There was the thudding beat of wings and a deep voice saying, "Dean."

Sam's smile got wider. "I did it for you."

Dean stood up, his chair tipping over behind him as he whirled around to face the man who had suddenly appeared. "Cas," he said, voice a shaky whisper as the blue eyes staring back at him intensely bored holes into him.

"What happened?"


	5. Human

Castiel looked older. Not old… just, no longer seventeen. His brown hair was somewhat neat and wore a dark blue button up shirt that covered his arms completely. His jeans had no holes either. He looked so completely neat and clean and respectable that it was almost shocking. Cas was staring intently around the room, sinking into a fighting stance as a shining silver blade slipped into his hand.

Dean shot a death glare at Sam and held out a hand cautiously. "Nothing happened, Cas…"

Castiel looked past Dean at the fifteen year old who was trying to control his giggles. "Then why did you…" he began, but his eyes flickered back to Dean and he fell silent. He tucked away the blade, God knows where and scratched the back of his neck. "Hello, Dean."

Dean let his hand fall to his side. "Hey, Cas… It's nice to see you."

Castiel opened his mouth to reply, but no words came out as he staggered backwards, colour draining from his face. We wobbled momentarily before tipping forward.

Dean stepped forwards and pushed the angel back upright. He looked at Castiel's pale face as he slowly guided him towards a chair. "Are alright, man?"

Cas rested his elbow on the small table and put a hand to his head. He squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath. "You don't need my help, do you?" He opened his eyes and rolled them up to look at Dean. They were still half closed and watering, slightly blood-shot as well.

"Not your help… not at this particular moment in time… Sam tricked you…"

Cas shuddered and turned on Sam. "Why did you do that?" his lips were parted in confusion and he let his hand fall from his face.

"Dean wanted to see you and you weren't coming."

Blood rushed to Dean's cheeks as he turned away quickly so that no one saw. Dean Winchester did not blush. Not ever.

Cas looked up at Dean as some of the colour came back to his face. His eyes seemed to grow lighter and a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. "I heard you every time, Dean," he said quietly, his voice somewhat softer than usual.

Dean turned back and shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "So… are you going to go?"

Cas lifted his head in surprise and confusion. "Do you want me to?" he tilted his head to the side, his blue eyes locking onto Dean's green.

Dean licked his lips and started stuttering a response, trying to avoid the piercing gaze.

Castiel didn't let him finish. He struggled to his feet, leaning on the table to hold himself up. "You are right… I should go." He let go of the table and swayed on his feet. "Goodbye." He didn't move. He was staring blankly at the door, not moving, not vanishing.

Sam glanced at Dean out of the corner of his eyes after a few seconds before frowning at Cas. "You're still here," he mumbled.

Cas blinked and his eyelids started drooping shut as he tumbled to the floor, his head landing with a loud thud.

Dean rushed to his side, grabbing him by the shirt and pulling him over.

"I can't do it," Cas panted, beads of sweat on his brow. "I… I can't hear… I'm stuck," his voice was shaky.

Dean pulled him up into a sitting position. "What the hell is going on? And why is your vessel older? Did he let you in again?" He hadn't really thought about it, but the question had popped into his head as he'd started talking.

Cas' face went blank as he tried to clamber to his feet. Only with Dean's help did he manage to stagger over to the couch. "I'm fine. I'll be fine." He whispered over and over.

Dean gave him a little shake. "Why is your vessel older?"

Cas hooked his fingers into the material of Dean's jacket. "I don't know," he muttered under his breath. "Must be one of the side effects of being a vessel at such a young age…" His jagged breathing slowed and he closed his eyes, leaning into Dean's shoulder slightly.

"Dude, you are not okay…" Dean wrapped an arm around Cas' slim body to keep him sitting. He was so skinny and fragile under his touch. "Do you… need something?" he asked quietly.

Cas leaned in further, breathing heavily. "I am hungry," he shivered and his fingers held onto the leather tighter, with all the strength he could muster up.

Dean didn't take his eyes off of the angel's face. "Sam! Bring your burger over here!"

Sam slipped out of his chair and brought the half soggy burger over.

Dean took it from him and handed it to Castiel.

It was gone in about thirty seconds.

"Maybe you should get some rest," Dean suggested and tried to pry Cas' hands from his arm.

Castiel nodded. He shut his eyes and moaned softly, his head lolling to the side.

Dean pushed off from the couch and let Castiel's head fall gently onto one of the cushions. He sat down on the floor, elbows on knees and hands clasped under his chin. He felt his stomach drop when he looked at Cas. His face was pale and waxy and he was shivering slightly.

After a few minutes of silence, Sam spoke up. He had pulled out one of their dad's books and was flicking through the pages. "You know, Dean… I don't think angels sleep… or eat," he said as he slammed the dusty book closed.

"Nerd…" Dean muttered. He bit down on his lip and buried his face in his hands. He felt sick, like the edges of his world were starting to tear. Castiel had been his 'imaginary' friend since he was nine and seeing him like this hurt. It hurt because Cas had been the strong one in Dean's mind. Whenever Dean was in trouble, he would remember that he had an angel watching over him and that that angel would want him to be brave and strong. Now that angel was lying there, sleeping, mouth open slightly, shaking and sweating. "What's going on, Cas?" Dean asked, though talking more to himself that to the unconscious angel.

"I'm going off to school Dean," Sam announced and got to his feet.

Dean jolted back into reality and stared at his brother, slightly confused. "You don't have to go if you don't want to…"

Sam shook his head. "I actually _like_school. He threw his backpack over his shoulder and left the room, leaving Dean sitting all alone next to Castiel, who was starting to snore softly.

Dean got to his feet and went to read the newspaper now that Sammy was done with it. He found an article on the second page that jumped out at him and was surprised Sam hadn't picked up on it. It was so… obviously something that they should look into. 3 people dead, hearts missing, seemed like an animal attack. After reading through the article, Dean's first thought was that it was a werewolf and that he had to deal with it, but then he remembered Castiel and slumped in his seat. He sat there for a while, tapping his foot impatiently and reading through the article a few times. Finally, he gave up and got to his feet. "Cas? Buddy?" he knelt beside the couch and gently shook Castiel's shoulder.

Cas' eyes cracked open and he stared quizzically at Dean with sleepy eyes. "What is it?" he mumbled, his words joining together so that his words were barely recognisable as being in English.

"A werewolf," Dean said, excitement in his voice. "Can you back me up?" He smiled softly and the angel who was blinking away sleep and rubbing at his eyes. He looked so young and vulnerable…

Cas pushed himself up onto his elbows. He looked slightly better than he had before, no longer shaking and a bit more colour in his cheeks. "Certainly."

Dean grabbed the angel's arm and helped him up off the couch.

Cas managed to gain his balance after a bit and the hands holding him up, let go cautiously. Cas followed Dean as he got changed into a suit and tucked a badge into his pocket. "How do you know where it is?" He asked, a bit out of breath.

"I don't know. That's why I'm wearing this. Oh and uh… just, let me handle it, okay?"

It started getting dark as Dean and Cas returned to the hotel room.

Sam was sitting on the couch absorbed in a book.

Dean had called to tell Sam that everything was okay. He had expected Sam to put up a fight when Dean had told him he couldn't come when they went to kill the thing, but Sam actually wanted to do homework.

So Dean got changed, grabbed the silver bullets from the table and dragged Castiel back out the door.

Cas didn't mind. He just stayed silent, trying to ignore his thirst and his hunger and his dizziness. He tagged along behind Dean, not really paying attention to anything until Dean held out his hand in warning.

They had wandered off of the road and into the trees. It had been raining and even in the dark, everything shimmered slightly.

Cas could hear the snarling, growling and whimpering.

Dean pulled the gun from his jeans and crept forwards. He aimed carefully, but as he took another step, a twig snapped. The sound echoed around the trees and Dean swore.

There was a tearing, snarling sound and the werewolf bounded into view, slobbering as it sized Dean up.

Dean pulled the trigger and missed. He swore again.

The monster leaped forward, her hair whipping around her crazily. She was headed straight for Dean who was bending down to pick up the gun that had slipped from his grip.

Cas' heart was thudding so loudly he was surprised the monster couldn't hear it. He sprang forwards, trying to place himself between the werewolf and Dean. He wobbled as his head spun and the monster took the opportunity to swat him away. He winced and inhaled sharply as he thudded to the ground. He closed his eyes and dug his fingernails into the earth.

The monster stalked forwards, intent on killing the angel.

Then there were two loud bangs as the silver bullets buried themselves in the creature's heart. It fell to the ground, slowly morphing back into its human form.

Dean stood there, gun in hand, staring at the young girl who's life he had just ended.

Cas was still on the ground where he had fallen. His face, pressed into the damp leaves painfully and his shoulder ached.

Dean grabbed hold of Cas' shirt hand hoisted him to his feet.

Cas head started tipping backwards.

Dean spun him around and slammed him into the closest to them tree. "Come on, man… don't do this."

Cas started to slip, despite the grip Dean had on him.

Dean slipped a hand round the back of the angel's neck to hold his head up. "You're fine. You're okay… come on, man, you're fine!"

Cas looked up at Dean with half closed eyes. He felt so tired, as if all of the energy had been sapped from his body.

Dean was so close… merely inches away. He could smell Cas, hear his uneven breathing and he hated it.

Cas groaned. "Dean… I think I'm human," Cas whispered in surprise, his eyelids fluttering open as he regained his footing on the slippery ground.

Dean closed the space between them, pressing his lips to Castiel's gently, trying to hook his fingers into the short hair and the back of his head.

Cas hiccupped in surprise and blinked at the sudden closeness of Dean. What did he do? What was he supposed to do in this situation? His stomach flipped and he gasped quietly. He'd never felt this before… he'd never really felt anything… and now it seemed like he was feeling everything at once. The smell, the taste, the sensation of Dean's lips on his and the strong arms that wound around him, keeping his weak legs from giving in… it was too much. Too much of everything.

Dean pulled back hastily and cleared his throat as he turned away. "Let's get back…" he mumbled and started walking.

Cas' legs buckled and he slid down the mossy tree. He could hardly breath and his mind was too full of Dean to actually control his limbs properly. So Cas just sat there on the ground until Dean finally turned around to collect him.


	6. There's a First Time for Everything

Sam looked up as they stumbled in, jumping to his feet. "Is he okay?" he asked, eyeing Castiel curiously.

Cas nodded and collapsed onto the couch. He sighed in relief and licked his lips. They tingled pleasantly as he remembered the kiss. "I'm fine."

Dean sat beside him. He started picking at his finger nails and stayed silent for a good five minutes, eyes flickering to and from Castiel's face.

Cas did the same thing. He wished that Dean would say something. He didn't know what he was supposed to do. What had the kiss meant? What did they do now?

"So…. Are you really human?" Dean asked as Sam went back to his homework.

"I don't know. It feels like it. Like I'm sort of... becoming, my vessel," Cas wrung his hands together nervously.

Dean nodded silently.

Cas kept talking. "I'm not used to… feeling things, not like this. It's all too much and I'm not sure if I like it…"

"You're not sure if you like feeling?"

"Dean, when you…"

Dean's hand came across Castiel's mouth, muffling his words. "Let's go outside," he said quietly.

Cas nodded and walked awkwardly from the room.

"Where are you going?" Sam piped up.

"Grown up talk," Dean muttered and followed Cas. "Okay," he said, leaning against the railing. "Talk."

"Well… when you kissed me it was… so overwhelming I felt sick. It was nice but… too much…'

"You thought it was nice?" Dean's question was barely audible. His cheeks were stained pink and it was obvious that he was annoyed with it.

Cas' balance went for a second and the voice that sounded like his but wasn't echoed through his head again.

_Please, let me out._

Cas tightened his grip on the railing until his knuckles turned white and his fingers started aching. "It was… different. I think I'd need to… experience it again before I could make up my mind."

Dean raised his eyebrows and rocked back on his heels. "Cas… I don't know…"

"I didn't mean…"

"Oh. Of course." Dean cleared his throat loudly and tapped out a rhythm on the cold metal.

Cas felt his cheeks grow warm and pressed his hands to them. This was another thing he had never experienced. He looked at Dean and his inside went all tickly and he just wanted to have his powers back and not be sick so that he could protect the young man. That was what he was meant to do. Protect Dean. It was his job as much as it was Dean's job to protect Sam.

_Please. Let me go. Help me!_

Cas doubled over, one hand slipping from the railing as he staggered, head throbbing.

Dean grabbed his arm before he hit the ground. The hand that was still on the railing slipped forward to cover Cas' comfortingly. "What's happening to you, man?"

Castiel was terrified. He was hearing his vessel shouting for help, but he couldn't hear his own family. He couldn't talk to them. He was so lost and so completely scared of what was happening to him. He was feeling things for the first time. Hunger, thirst, the pang inside his chest whenever he looked Dean in the eyes… it was all completely new to him. "I don't know," he whispered as his lifted his head up. His face was so close to Dean's that he could feel the man's breath on his face. "Dean… I don't know... I'm basically human. What will I do?" He barely got the words out when Dean's lips crashed into his and sent a shiver up his spine. He let his hand hook with Dean's and used his other to hold himself up.

Dean put a hand behind Castiel's head roughly and bit at his bottom lip.

Cas whimpered softly and he leaned into Dean, bumping noses awkwardly as he scrambled onto his knees. Yes. He liked this. He found his hands moving to the back of Dean's head and grabbing hold of the short hair. It was almost like Jimmy was taking control, but he wasn't. Cas pulled back only to gasp down some air.

Dean pulled him back down, parting Cas' lips and… exploring a little bit

Cas never thought for one second that this was all new to Dean. He was all absorbed in the rough lips pressed to his and the feeling when Dean tugged on his bottom lip with his teeth. His head started spinning and he started choking on air. He pulled back and wheezed in much needed oxygen, screwing up his already closed eyes. He fell into Dean, who immediately wrapped his arms around him, panting.

Dean grabbed fistfuls of Castiel's shirt and rested his head on the man's shoulder. "You don't know what to do?" he asked and paused to catch his breath.

Cas shook his head and turned his face into Dean's neck.

"Well, don't worry about it… I'll look after you… as long as… well… don't…" Dean turned scarlet. He hated blushing. It made him feel less masculine.

Cas shuddered. "I will not tell anybody about this if you are uncomfortable with it," his voice was as deep and monotonous as ever. It didn't seem like it, but it actually took a bit of effort at that moment for Castiel to not let his voice go all high and gentle like Jimmy's was. He was an angel. He wasn't supposed to be kind.

Dean nodded, closed his eyes, a slight grimace on his face.

Cas' breathing was still shaky and his palms were all sweaty. He wiped them on his jeans and watched Dean's face carefully. He stomach made a gurgling noise and he looked down at it curiously.

Dean chuckled. He put a hand on Cas' back and smiled at him. "You need food again. Want to go out?"

"Out?" His head tipped sideways again and he squinted at Dean.

Dean got to his feet, wiping the dirt off his backside and holding a hand out to Cas. "Yeah. Out. Like, to a restaurant or something."

Cas' mouth popped open into a little O shape as he slipped his hand into Dean's. His skin tingled where they touched and felt his heart stutter in his chest. He nodded and let himself be lifted up. He looked down and his hand in Dean's and frowned at them curiously.

Dean let his hand fall and went back inside.

Cas followed behind him. He stumbled slightly as he crossed the threshold and walked into Dean. He took a step back automatically.

Sam looked up from the piece of paper he was scribbling on. "Took you long enough," he muttered.

Dean rolled his eyes. "Want to go get some dinner with us?" He gestured to Cas who was rubbing at the back of his neck and looking down at his feet.

Sam shrugged a 'whatever' and pulled on his jacket.

Cas rubbed at his arm as goose bumps ran up it. He didn't want to say that he was cold. It was just another feeling that made him feel so pathetically human and helpless. He licked his lips slowly and tried to think warm thoughts. Of course, he didn't really know what 'warm' felt like, so he didn't have very much to go on. He'd heard that deserts were warm… perhaps he would think of them.

Dean nudged him gently, shaking him from his thoughts. A smile was in his eyes as he headed out the door, ruffling Sam's hair as he passed him.

Sam growled and smacked at his brothers hands before stalking out behind him and gestured for Castiel to follow.

It wasn't much of a restaurant really. It was too brightly lit, the food tasted like crap and the seats were kind of prickly.

Cas didn't mind though. Food was food and he was famished. He wolfed down a bowel of chewy spaghetti and still had room left over for the lumpy chocolate mousse that Dean had ordered him.

They stayed quiet most of the time, with Sam's eyes flickering between the two suspiciously.

Castiel couldn't help but look at Dean. _Really_look at him.

His hands, which rested on the table, were covered all over with thin scars and Cas wanted to know what each one was from. He had dark semi circles under his eyes and Cas wanted to know why he hadn't been sleeping. Every tiny little detail brought up more questions.

Cas looked down at his empty bowel as a heat spread through his cheeks and his heartbeat picked up pace.

"Are you all done here?" The sweet young waitress who was wearing just a bit too much makeup was speaking directly to Dean and smiling flirtatiously. She fluttered her eyelids and picked up the plate that sat in front of Dean.

A smile crept across Dean's face and his tongue ran along his bottom lip slowly.

Cas whipped his head around to watch the young woman walk away, then turned back to Dean, eyes wide.

Dean looked startled and he shrugged. Dean was actually having a battle inside his mind. Part of him felt like smiling at that woman had been doing something wrong by Cas… like he had been betraying him, but the other part of his mind was reminding him of all the times he'd done more than kiss a girl and it had meant nothing. _It meant nothing._He bit down on his lip and finished off his beer. He knew it wasn't true. Dean Winchester didn't just go around kissing guys and tossing them aside like he did with girls. He'd kissed Castiel. Twice. It had to mean something.. Dean just wasn't sure what. All he knew was that when he looked at Cas his stomach tied itself in knots nervously. He could feel his younger brother's eyes on him as he scraped back his seat and got up to pay for their meal.

Cas leaned across to Sam. "This is not what I was expecting when dean asked if I wanted to go out," he tried to whisper, but his deep voice carried.

Sam's eyes grew marginally wider and he turned away from the angel slowly.

Dean shot Cas a warning glare, though he doubted Castiel understood. He cleared his throat Awkwardly and pulled a credit card from his pocket, tapping it against his fingers as he walked off.

Castiel stood and shivered as the door to the restaurant opened, letting in the wind. His teeth started chattering and he frowned at himself, complete and utter confusion written all of his face.

Sam smiled up at him. "I think you need a jacket or something," he said, chuckling quietly.

Cas shook his head and folded his arms across his chest, clenching his jaw to keep it still. "I do not feel the cold," he said with a voice full of certainty.

Dean came back and they left, walking back down the street and towards the hotel.

Cas' teeth started chattering together again. Very loudly. He muttered something inaudible and after a while, he was forced to stop and Dean stepped in front of him.

"Stop," Dean huffed, a hand pressed against Castiel's chest to keep him still. He slipped his Dad's leather jacket off and held it out to Cas. "Take it," he urged. "I'm wearing layers, I won't get cold."

Cas took the jacket reluctantly. He couldn't argue with Dean about the layers. The guy was wearing a plaid shirt and another light jacket, all hanging open over the top of a plain black shirt that hugged his body. Cas stared down at the leather, a slightly confused look on his face.

"Just put the jacket on, Cas."

Cas looked up at Dean, his blue eyes wide and innocent and his mouth hanging open slightly. "Thank you," he said slowly. He shrugged it on and all he could smell was Dean. That musty, greasy , _nice_smell? That was Dean. Cas found himself smiling and scratched at the back of his neck, turning his head away, strangely embarrassed.

Dean nodded to no ne in particular and shifted his gaze to Sam.

Sam raised an eyebrow and a small, knowing smile spread across his face.

"Shut. Up," Dean muttered gave his brother a friendly shove. "Now, Cas. You're going to stay on our couch…"

Castiel tugged at the jacket and said nothing, just stared at Dean, trying to pick out all of the different colours that swirled amongst the green inside his eyes.

Dean stared back, heart beat speeding up and butterflies flittering away inside his stomach. He raised his eyebrows at Cas, licked his lips and turned away slowly, scowling at Sam as he stalked off.

Castiel reached out and grabbed hold of the back of Dean's shirt, holding onto the material so he didn't fall behind as he stared around at the street.

Dean twisted around in confusion, but he couldn't bring himself to do anything about the fingers that clung desperately to the material. "Let's go home…" he hugged his layers around him and bit at his lip, resisting the urge to take Castiel's hand in his and guide him.


	7. Leaving is Never Easy

"You're **what**!?" John Winchester's voice boomed through the phone speaker and Dean held it away from his ear.

"The guy's sick, Dad! He's an angel, he doesn't know how to look after himself," Dean was trying desperately to make his father understand.

"You have got to be kidding me! First Sam, now you? I can't take on all of this stuff on my own."

Dean clenched his jaw and tried to push away the guilt. "You're not doing it alone. Sammy's not going anywhere." Dean bit his lip and turned his back to the window, his eyes resting Castiel, who was curled up on the couch, the sleeve of his shirt between his teeth. "Dad… you don't need me. Cas… he needs me. If I don't help him, how will he ever get well again?" In his mind, he was saying so many other things._ I need my angel. I've had him most of my life, I can't lose him now. He doesn't know how to do anything… like a baby... a very, very attractive and adult-looking baby…_

He pulled himself out of his thoughts as his dad said his name for the third time. "What?" he asked, having not heard whatever it was that John had been saying.

John sighed loudly. "I'll be back to get you guys in two days. We'll talk about it then."

Dean burst out "Dad, I'm nineteen, I don't need your permission," but John hung up in the middle of his sentence and he finished it sadly, smacking his head back against the glass. Dean checked on Sam quickly, just to make sure that he was safe. Sam's safety was almost literally the first thing he thought of when he woke up, just before all of his own problems flooded his head and made it ache. Dean didn't go to his bed. He sat down and leant against the door. He didn't really want to sleep, so he just sat there, hand wrapped around a beer bottle, watching the angel sleeping on the couch. He didn't want to have a fight with his father, but he couldn't leave Castiel.

Cas didn't know how to be human. He didn't know how to interact with people or look after himself. He didn't know what to do when he was sick. No, Dean had to stay with him. Make him soup or something… soup always makes people feel better, doesn't it?

The next thing he knew, a hand was grabbing Dean's shoulder and shaking it roughly. He opened his eyes and found himself staring at Cas. He yelped in surprise and pulled back, head slamming into the door. "Please don't do that, Cas..." he mumbled as he rubbed at his head.

Castiel moved back and sat on the floor in front of Dean. "My apologies… Sam has gone to school."

Dean sat up properly and winced. His back and neck were aching, probably from sleeping in such a bad position. "Cas, do you want me to stay with you?" he asked and rubbed and his bleary eyes.

Castiel reached out and placed his hand on top of Dean's. He didn't know why he did it, he just did.

Dean turned his hand over slowly and hooked his fingers with Cas'. A warm feeling spread through him and red stained his cheeks though he wasn't particularly embarrassed. He gave Castiel's hand a gentle squeeze and looked back up into those blue eyes.

Cas smiled. "I would like you to stay," he smiled slightly, eyes crinkling at the corners.

Dean felt relief wash through him. He hadn't even realised how scared he'd been that Cas would want him to go. Dean got to his feet and pulled Castiel up after him. He wandered over to the small kitchen and tried to find a packet of the instant cook stuff he'd forced Sam to eat a few nights ago. He tipped the gunk into a pot and let it cook. Then he turned around to face Castiel.

The angel was looking much better. There was colour in his cheeks and his hair was all scruffy. The scruffy hair suited him better than the neat, combed back hair… Cas was still wearing the leather jacket. It was bigger on him than it was on Dean, but he didn't seem to mind. "I think I'll have to get a jacket of my own."

Dean nodded. "You'll need other clothes too. That's the thing about humans… we get stinky."

Cas lifted his arm and sniffed his armpit experimentally. He grimaced and sat down in one of the seats by the small table.

"My dad's coming back in two days," Dean whispered, turning back to stir the soup.

Cas looked up in surprise. His face fell and he stared down at his hands. "I suppose you will want to go with him."

Dean turned off the stove and poured the soup into a bowel. He placed it in front of Cas and sat down opposite him. "No. I don't."

Castiel nodded and started sipping at the soup. He face twisted in distaste and he set the spoon down again.

Dean chuckled. He reached across and took the spoon from Castiel's hand. Surely, the soup wasn't that bad… He had a taste. It was… awful. No wonder Sam had refused to eat it.

They went shopping on the day that John Winchester was due to return. Sam stayed back, having found a book to read.

Dean couldn't trust Cas to pick out his own clothes, so he grabbed a few plain shirts and a few button up ones. He didn't let Castiel have any day in it, just paid for them and tucked all of the clothes into a bag.

Cas didn't really mind. He didn't see anything he particularly liked until they walked past this one store with all sorts of coats and jacket in the window. Something had caught his attention. He walked away from Dean and staring into the display window curiously.

It was a pale trench coat. Fairly simple, but the angel liked it.

He walked into the store with Dean rushing in behind him. "You want to try something on?"

Cas nodded and pointed to the coat. "That one."

So Dean asked the lady behind the counter about that particular coat and she went go get one. He turned back to Cas. "I think it'll suit you…" He kicked at the ground and rested against the post that hand the full length mirror on it.

Castiel shoved his sleeves into the coat and looked at himself, then to Dean, as though he was looking for approval. "What do you think?' he asked and adjusted the way it was sitting on his shoulders. "It's a bit big… Is it too big? Does it suit me? Is it ridiculous?"

Dean stepped forward and grabbed Cas by the collar, yanked him forward and kissing him for the third time. It was a little more hectic than before… Dean wasn't worried anymore about being pushed away, and the coat really did suit his angel. The kiss was all tongues and teeth and Dean held onto Castiel's shoulder tightly.

Cas made a strangled sound and hooked his fingers into Dean's hair, holding him close. He was really tugging on Dean's hair, and it hurt. It hurt like hell, but Dean couldn't bring himself to care, because Cas was there and he looked so ridiculous in the trench coat that was a bit too big on him.

Dean shuddered and pulled back suddenly, breathing ragged as he looked around to see if anyone noticed. Had anyone seen them? Did anyone care?

A minute later and they were walking out of the store.

Cas was still wearing the trench coat, only now all the tags had been taken off.

As they walked back to the hotel, Dean took hold of Castiel's hand. He didn't know why and he felt a little bit awkward about it at first, but then it felt right. Dean was seriously confused… He'd only ever been interested in girls… Then again, it was only Cas' vessel that was truly male, so maybe Dean wasn't really gay, just attracted to angels that look out for him his whole life.

"I can't believe this!" John Winchester was shouting again. He did a lot of shouting.

Dean stood in front of where Castiel was perched on the couch. He refused to back down. He wasn't going to let his father push him around like he had his whole life. "Dad, Castiel… he won't survive on his own."

"You said he was sick. He doesn't look sick to me!"

"I guess I'm having a good day," Cas chimed in and both Dean and his father turned to glare at him. Cas shifted his gaze away. If he looked back at them, he'd be bound to give it away. He'd give away the fact that he wasn't having a good day. He may not have looked sick, but Jimmy's voice was pounding against his head and it felt as though his vessel was trying to claw the angel from him. Castiel didn't want Dean to know. He didn't have an answer as to why this was happening, so he didn't want to mention it. Was he being punished for something? Was this just what happens when you acquire a vessel that's so young? If it was a punishment, it was a cruel one. He felt so completely alone

"Cas?"

Castiel looked up and saw Dean, kneeling in front of him, a hand on his shoulder.

_I HATE YOU! Let me out! Let me go! I'll kill you!_

Cas put a hand to his head as the pain increased. "I'm fine," he grunted and got to his feet.

John's eyes raked over him in judgement. His face was flushed in anger.

Sam was sitting in the corner of the room with a book balanced on his lap and a can of coke in his hand. He sipped at his drink and ignored the fighting.

Cas did something then, something that he'd never done before. He let his wings show as dark feathery shadows on the air and on the wall behind him. "You cannot keep Dean here against his will," he growled and tucked the wings away. He grabbed hold of the couch arm and held himself up. His head was spinning, stomach swirling. He arm gave out and he fell to the floor, coughing as he tried and failed to lift himself up. Blood forced itself up and he spluttered red all over the carpet.

Dean raced forwards. He took hold of Cas' arm with one hand and placed the other on the angel's back. "You shouldn't have done that," he whispered furiously. "I can fight my own battles." The anger died down and he gently helped Castiel to his feet. He turned to his father. "Dad," he took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "I don't want to hunt with you any more. Nothing you say will make me stay… I'm leaving."

John's face was so red that that it was almost starting to turn purple. "**If you leave now, Dean… Do not expect to be welcomed back!**"

Dean draped Castiel's arm over his shoulder and supported his weight.

Cas groaned and turned around to spit out some of the blood that remained in his mouth. He hooked his fingers into Dean's leather jacket and tried to use his own legs to hold himself up, but he felt so utterly weak.

Dean wrapped his arm around Cas' waist and helped him hobble along.

"**Dean Winchester! Come back here right now!**"

"Dean?" Sam got to his feet and took a step forward. "Dean… I think he's serious."

Dean turned his head. "I don't care. You guys don't need me."

"**STAY!**" John Winchester roared, a hint of sadness and hopelessness in his voice.

Dean ignored him and carried his angel out of the hotel. He turned and shouted back, "I'm taking the Impala!" Then he was gone.


	8. Give Me a Distraction

Cas watched Dean's face carefully as they drove along. He watched as the man's expression went from pride, to relief, to anger and then to terror all within a minute. It was like there was a tiny little war being waged inside his head. Castiel rested his head against the window and stared out at the scenery that was whizzing by. "Where are we going to go?"

Dean's grip on the steering wheel tightened and his knuckles turned white. "I don't know… we'll find a nice looking hotel where they won't bother us, okay?"

Cas nodded and shut his eyes.

_Home…. I want to go home…_

Cas opened his eyes and dug his finger nails into the kin of his arm, wishing Jimmy's voice away. "Illinois… Pontiac, Illinois," He said quietly.

"Illinois? That's like, a two day drive away. Do you really want to be stuck in a car for that long?" Dean glanced at the angel out of the corner of his eye.

Cas shrugged and shut his eyes again. "You don't have to do this for me," he whispered. "You could have stayed with your family.

Dean's breath came out in a huff and he focussed on the road ahead. "You haven't got anyone, Cas. You're not exactly talking to your family right now. Dad and Sam have each other… for a while, at least. I'm not leaving you alone." He nodded, and that was the end of that conversation.

Castiel sighed and let himself drift off.

Cas was shivering when he woke up. They were still in the car and Cas' muscles were cramping painfully. He stretched out his legs as much as he could and tugged his coat around him.

Dean glanced sideways before reaching out and fiddling with one of the dials that were clustered together. He cleared his throat. "How are you feeling?"

"My legs ache, my head is killing me, Jimmy refuses to be quiet and I am very cold," he grumbled.

Dean nodded slowly. "your vessel is talking to you, hey?"

Cas shifted so that he was sitting upright. "He keeps asking for me to let him go… I can't do as he asks… he's the one who wants to go to Illinois."

Dean raised his eyebrows and ran a hand over his face. He didn't know what he could say to help his angel. As he stared at the black road that stretched on for miles in front of him, he vaguely remembered the little boy who had brought a bird back to life. He'd had a spark in his eye and a need to impress. Every sign of that boy was gone now, replaced by the faintest of frown lines and shadows under the eyes of a pale face. "You'll tell me if it gets worse, right?"

Cas reached out and put his hand on Dean's leg. "You'll be the first person I will tell."

Dean forced himself to relax and shifted his gaze back to the road. It would be stupid if he crashed the car purely because an attractive guy put a hand on his leg. Then it hit him. He'd left Sam behind. His little brother…. His job… pretty much his whole reason to live, and he'd left him behind. Dean swerved off the road and parked the car. He stared down at where his hands were gripping the steering wheel. "What do I do now?" he asked himself. Would Sam be okay? Should he go back and get him? Oh God… what if he couldn't even talk to his father again? He was panting by this point, chest heaving.

Cas placed a hand on the back of Dean's head and stroked his fingers through the soft brown hair. His mouth was turned up into the smallest of smiles and the blue of his eyes was bright and warm.

Dean closed his eyes and rested his head on the steering wheel, focussing on the feeling of Castiel's hand in his hair. Then he opened his eyes and turned his head so that he could see his angel. He took a deep breath and smiled back at him, tongue licking his lips playfully. He reached behind his head and took hold of Cas' hand, moving it so that he could press his lips to the soft skin. He sat up and squeezed Castiel's hand gently. "We better get going," he mumbled and they set off again.

_Please… please let me go home… Castiel… I don't want you here anymore! I revoke your invitation! LEAVE ME ALONE! Go away! I'll kill you if you don't leave! This is my body! LEAVE IT! You're dying, you know…. If you leave, maybe you will get better…_

Cas' rolled over and pounded at the soft pillow angrily. "Leave me alone," he muttered out loud. He was so close to screaming into the pillow and there were actual, real tears threatening to spill over. He flipped back onto his back and tried to block Jimmy's voice out.

"Cas?" Dean stood by the tiny little fridge, a beer in his hand. His green eyes were wide. He was wearing a pair of baggy short pants and no shirt.

Cas pushed himself up onto his elbows. He huffed at a wayward strand of hair and focussed on Dean's voice instead of Jimmy's.

"Can't you sleep?" Dean sat his beer down on the bench.

Cas closed his eyes and shook his head. Dean's voice was the only thing he let himself hear. Dean's voice was the only important thing that his senses needed to pick up. "He won't be quiet…"

Dean came closer, sitting on the edge of the bed.

Cas' eyes flickered open and focussed on the visible thudding of Dean's heart. It must have been pounding away in that delicate rib cage. He reached out slowly and pressed his hand to skin of the other man's chest. He felt that tickling feeling inside come back and strange, pleasant warmth spread throughout his body. He sat up properly.

Dean looked down at the hand and covered it with his own. "Maybe… Maybe you just need a distraction."

Cas felt the heart beating beneath his hand pick up its pace. He smiled at it. "You're nervous," he said quietly and looked up at Dean's face. He thought back at what Dean had just said and narrowed his eyes. "What sort of distraction…?"

Dean grinned. It was an expression that transformed his face entirely and brought Cas' mind back to the nine year old boy who had asked to be flown to the top of the Eiffel Tower. A flush of red spread through Dean cheeks and he moved forward slightly.

Cas could feel his own heart speeding up and his ears burning, but he didn't dare take his eyes away from Dean's. He was almost afraid that if he looked away, Dean would disappear and he would be alone. He didn't want to be alone.

Dean bit his lip and hooked his hand with the one that was pressed to his chest. He reached out with his other hand and put it behind Castiel's head. He moved himself forward and pulled Cas closer to press a soft kiss to the angel's neck.

Cas' eye fluttered closed and grabbed hold of Dean's shoulder. He felt rough lips press to his and a tongue sweep gently over his lip. Castiel's grip on Dean's shoulder tightened and he leaned into the kiss.

Dean's hand moved to his angel's back and pressed the man's body to his as if they could somehow become one. Chapped lips parted under his and he got to his knees, pushing Cas back gently and using that time to catch his breath. "How's this for a distraction?" he asked as lifted Cas' shirt and pressed kisses to the smooth, undamaged skin of his stomach.

A small whimper escaped from Cas, followed by the smallest of giggles as Dean's kisses hit a ticklish spot.

Dean smiled and climbing over Cas, reaching out and pulling the angel up by the collar.

"Do you know what you're doing?" Cas asked curiously, eyes opening as he held onto Dean to keep himself from falling back down.

Dean licked his lips slowly, a smile stretching from ear to ear. "I honestly have no clue," he chuckled just before his lips met Cas' again.

Cas thought momentarily about how that fact was not exactly comforting, but he couldn't hear Jimmy's pleading and he couldn't focus on anything other than the man who was kissing him. Everything was warm and rough and nice and… Dean.

Cas sighed and hooked his fingers with Dean's as he stared up at the ceiling. He couldn't describe what he was feeling, but it was the best thing he'd ever felt and he never wanted it to go away. He'd seen this type of thing before… people lying under a tangled mess of blankets and looking completely at peace, but he never thought that he would understand it. He did now. He understood it perfectly.

Dean manoeuvred his head so that he could plant a kiss on the top of his angel's head. "You okay?" he asked with a hint of nervousness in his voice.

Cas nodded. "That was a nice distraction…."

"Yeah," he sighed happily. "It really was…"

They stayed in a few different motels of the next few weeks as Dean was uncomfortable with staying in the one place for too long with an angel that could hardly walk half of the time.

Of course, with so much moving around, there were lots of things that caught Dean's eye.  
For instance, when they were staying in Pontiac, there was a newspaper article about a man who came home, locking all the doors, shot his family, then himself, but there was no weapon found at the scene and no signs of forced entry. Dean was itching to take on the case, but he took a calming breath and stared at Cas who was huddled under the bed covers, shivering.

Cas seemed to alternate between good days and bad days. Some days he'd be full of energy and would go for a walk or drag Dean back to bed even though it was like, 7am and they needed to get up. On those days, sometimes, they would both go and investigate something weird that was going on. There were some days when he'd be exhausted and would shout about nothing or just curl up on the bed after using the slightest bit of energy, and sometimes he couldn't get out of bed at all. Sometimes he would race to the bathroom and cough and cough until he felt like his lungs were going to follow the blood up and out of his throat.

Dean took advantage of the good days, slowly teaching Castiel to be more and more human.

Cas had to learn how to shave, take a shower, interact with people without being creepy and he had to be able to cook… at least basically.

Dean would enjoy the days where he could go out with Cas and they would sit under a tree somewhere and just watch as the world passed them by. Caring for the angel was a lot harder than he had anticipated. Sometimes he practically had to force food down the man's throat and ignoring the hacking coughs of that food coming back up was unbearable, but he had to bear it, because what else could he do?


	9. That Dying Thing

Dean sat on the bed, head in hands, grabbing hold of his hair and pulling on it until tears stung at his eyes.

Cas was propped up against the wall, hand to nose, trying to control its bleeding. "What happened?" he asked as he pulled the tissue away from his nose and waited to see if blood was still dripping.

Dean looked up and glanced at the black eyed man who was strapped to the flimsy chair. "I just… I don't know what to do about our friend over there… he knows about you, so we can't exorcise him… but we can't just leave him here, and there's no way to kill him." His shoulders were slumped in defeat.

The demon had followed Dean back to their current motel and jumped him. He had stopped upon seeing the angel. He had raced to get to him, laughing and taunting him.

Cas had coughed and his nose had started bleeding.

Dean had finally managed to tackle the demon to the floor and tie a rope around its hands.

So now it was tied up to a chair, grinning at the angel, laughing at his pain.

Dean scowled and got to his feet. "Can you still hear Jimmy?" he asked Cas without taking his eyes off the demon.

Castiel nodded. "He got very angry when were in Illinois… he wanted to see his parents. It hurt…"

Dean raised his eyebrows and pursed his lips. "Could you try and call one of your buddies down here to smite his ass?" he gestured to the muscular, black eyed man.

Cas took the tissue away and sniffed cautiously. He rubbed his hands together and tried to contact his family. He tried, for Dean. He didn't want it to work. If it worked, they would find him and they would want to heal him… Cas shook his head and looked up at Dean. It hadn't worked. Castiel tried to hide his sigh of relief. "I don't think they can hear me."

"Then what do we do with him?"

Cas knew that if the demon got away, the angels would know about Cas and they would come to take him away. He didn't want to go away. "We could… tie bricks to him and drop him a large body of water?"

Dean just stared at him, blinking slowly. "He's a demon, Cas… you really think he won't get out and tell someone that there's a freakin' angel hanging around that can't defend himself!?"

Cas frowned. "Well… if he wanted to, he could have left already…"

"Yeah… so why are you still here?" Dean rounded on the demon, who smirked.

"I wanted to get all the info… you guys are very, very stupid… I know everything now. A hunter, in love with an angel… who is dying," he said playfully and chuckled before turning his face to the ceiling. Thick black smoke spiralled into the air and funnelled out through the one open window. The human who the demon had been possessing slumped in the chair.

Dean glanced at Cas. "Well… looks like we're going to be doing a lot more travelling around…"

Castiel nodded.

"Dean, why did you leave? I'm sure Dad would have let Cas stay with us."

Dean sighed and tipped his head to the side in an attempt to balance the phone there as he took a sip of his beer. "I uh…"

"It's not like we would have stolen your friend."

"Sammy…"

"I mean, come on, Dean! You left me all alone with Dad! I'm never going to forgive you for this, you know."

Dean rolled his eyes and let Sam ramble on. He had missed listening to the teenager whining and complaining about their dad. He didn't want to admit it, but part of him had wanted to leave because he wanted Castiel all to himself. Cas was his angel.

"Seriously, Dean… You really could have stayed."

"No… I couldn't have. Look, Sam. I don't think he could have handled the moving around, so I couldn't have gone with you. Besides,things are going great with Cas here." Dean pushed his beer over to the angel who had been standing there, staring at it suspiciously.

Cas picked it up and sniffed it, making a face before sipping at it hesitantly. He winced and pushed the bottle away before he started choking on the small amount of liquid that he'd swallowed.

Dean burst out laughing. "Sammy, I gotta go," he chuckled and put a hand on Castiel's shoulder. "Tell Dad that I'm sorry." He hung up.

Cas didn't stop coughing. He tried to smile and wave it away. He tried not to worry Dean,, but he just couldn't stop coughing. It hurt. His stomach heaved. Had the demon been right? Was he actually dying? He'd never heard of an angel dying like that before…

Dean's hands grabbed hold of the angel's arm and held him up, eyes fixed on his face.

Cas reached out with a hand and grabbed hold of the material of one of Dean's shirts. His legs felt like they were going to give out. As his lungs finally stopped trying to exit his body through his throat, he let himself slide to the floor, Dean coming after him. "I don't want to die, Dean."

"Shut up, you're not gonna die," he was trying to sound confident, but Cas could tell that he was scared.

_I hope you do die._

It was the first time Cas had heard Jimmy since they'd seen that demon. They had had to move from motel to motel for a while, until they were sure that no one would be able to find them. "Dean, if I do die, I'd just like to say thank you. For everything. I wouldn't have survived this long if you hadn't have looked after me.

"I really do that much… I just…"

"You made sure that I wasn't alone," Cas smiled and gently tugged Dean closer. "You taught me about… feeling." His voice went all quiet and his eyes closed half way.

"I'm not exactly the best teacher when it comes to emotions." Dean pressed his forehead to Castiel's and closed his eyes.

Cas shifted his head to press his lips to Dean's. He moved his hands so that his fingers were caught in Dean's short, fluffy brown hair. He still honestly had no idea what he was doing when it came to this stuff, but whatever he was doing, it felt right. Cas didn't want to die. He wanted to stay right here, with Dean. As Cas mimicked what Dean had done so many times by gently biting at Dean's lip, he noticed his cheeks growing damp. Was he crying? He'd never cried before… Angels didn't usually cry… maybe he just wasn't an angel any more.

Dean pulled away and wiped at Cas' cheek with his thumb. His own eyes were slightly pink, but there were no tears. "You aren't going to die. I won't let you. I've let too many people die before. I'm not letting you go too. Okay?"

Cas nodded, staring down at Dean's hands and trying to blink away the strange tears.

Dean stood and helped Cas up. He dragged the angel over the where there dinner had been sitting, growing cold for the past ten minutes.

They ate in silence, both feeling miserable.

Then, as Cas cleaned off his plate, he found himself wondering about the relationship that he had with Dean. Watching over the earth, Cas had noticed a few things. Mostly, that people do what he and Dean had been doing, when they are in love. Was he in love? He didn't know… How do you know you're in love if you've never been in love before? "Dean? Are we in love?" He asked, though he didn't really mean to say it out loud. He looked up expectantly.

Dean started to choke on a mouthful of bacon and started whacking himself on the chest. He was speechless. "I uh… I don't know, Cas. That's not something that I can really answer…"

Cas frowned. "Well… do you love me?" he pursed his lips tipped his head to the side and narrowed his eyes in that way he did when he was curious.

Dean looked down at his plate. "Are you feeling better?"

Cas tipped his head back upright and licked his lips. "I'm not as bad as I was yesterday. Perhaps I'm getting better." The day before, Castiel hadn't been able to get up. He'd been lying in a sweating, shivering mass under the bedcovers, unable to sleep and unable to even think properly. Every single part of him had been aching he had actually started screaming at one point.

Dean had had to hold his hand over Cas' mouth to muffle the screams and stop anyone from getting curious. Dean had felt like crying as he had watched the angel writhing around, clawing at Dean's hand. "How come you can hear your vessel?"

Cas shrugged. It was his turn to avoid the subject. He pushed back his chair, got to his feet and picked up that day's newspaper. "Why didn't you answer my question?"

"What question?"

"Do you love me?"

"Do _you_ love _me_?" Dean rubbed a hand over his eyes. He didn't like talking about this stuff. He'd never been the sort of person who could just tell someone how he felt. It was even harder when it came to talking to Cas, because he was a guy and Dean had never felt anything like this for a guy before. It was usually girls, and usually it meant nothing.

Cas pretended to read the paper for a bit. He was vaguely looking for a case to occupy them before they moved onto the next place. He looked up at Dean then, who was running a hand through his hair and fixing up the way his leather jacket was sitting. "I don't know… How do you know when you're in love?"

Dean nearly fell backwards off his seat. He jumped to feet. "Oh no… there's no way I'm talking about that. Not with you… Go ask someone else." Dean held up his hands as if he was surrendering and backed slowly out of the motel room. He said, "I'm going to get some pie," before he shut the door.

Cas looked down at one of the brightly coloured ads in the newspaper. "I don't have anyone else to ask," he whispered sadly. Cas wished that Dean hadn't left him alone. When Dean wasn't around, Cas' mind would wander, and at that particular point in time, his mind wandered to thoughts of death. He'd never lingered much on those thought before because he had never had any reason to. But what happened to an angel when it died? Would he be in more pain than he already is? Perhaps he would drift off in his sleep…

_If you let me go, you will not die…_

"I cannot let you go," Cas snapped at the voice in his head. He let the newspaper fall to the floor and buried his face in his hands. "I wish I could let you go… but I can't. I've tried…"

_Well, have fun with the dying thing._

Cas groaned. "I will certainly not have fun. Why would I have fun?" He heard Jimmy's ghostly voice laughing at him. He didn't understand. Cas tried to push Jimmy's voice away again. It was getting more and more difficult to ignore his vessel.

Jimmy himself seemed to have moved on from pleas and cries of pain to actually talking to Cas as though he wasn't stuck inside his own head. _If you try, I'm sure you'll be able to leave…_

Cas rubbed at his head. "Please, just be quiet."

"Are you talking to someone?" Dean's head poked in through the door he'd just opened.

Cas shook his head. "Just read out loud," he mumbled as he gestured to the newspaper at his feet. He didn't need to tell Dean how bad it was getting. He didn't need to worry him by telling him how much it hurt whenever Jimmy started talking to him. This was his mind now, he was supposed to be the only one using it to talk.

* * *

**Note: **I'm planning on only having one or two more parts after this and I apologize in advance for any feels those last parts may cause. I thought I should just let you know...


	10. Losing the Memories

They went back to Pontiac Illinois after Cas had complained about Jimmy, who had been refusing to shut up about going home. Once there, the annoying twenty-something year old had quietened down a bit and Cas had been able to relax. He had felt rotten for the next few days, and was unable to move for the days after that. For some reason,he had been right as rain and completely full of energy after had enjoyed it, even though he knew that something was wrong. He was right, because a month after arriving at the motel in Pontiac, it happened. After two days of being perfectly alright, Dean's nightmares seemed to come to life and everything went spiralling downhill.

Dean woke up and rolled over to find the space next to him in the bed empty. He'd rubbed at his eyes half fallen out of the bed, dragging the sheets off with him. He looked around desperately for Cas, but he couldn't see him anywhere. Fear took hold of him and he felt like he couldn't breathe. He pulled on a pair of jeans and went to check outside the room. Just before he left, he heard the shower running and stumbled back into the room, trying to calm his heart.

The shower water turned off and a few minutes later, a still damp Castiel half fell out of the bathroom, white shirt sticking to his chest and jeans still unbuttoned. He tugged on the jacket as he stood in the doorway before turning back to Dean. Cas looked worse that morning than he ever had. His face was completely drained of colour and he was using the wooden posts of the doorframe to hold himself up, unable to stand on his own. His eyes were sunken and he was too skinny. He'd been slowly thinning out for a while now, but it hadn't been noticeable until now. "Good morning," he whispered, voice shaking. He tried to take a step, but fell to the floor, shaking and sweating with tears leaking from his eyes.

Dean rushed to his side, crouching down. "You're okay, Cas. Hey? You're fine, aren't you?" he muttered and wrapped his arms around Cas, smoothing his hair back from his forehead and trying to stop the shivering.

Castiel shook his head as a cough racked through his body and blood dribbled from the corner of his mouth. He closed his eyes and sent a prayer to his family. He hadn't spoken to them in ages…. He hadn't even tried. He prayed then. He prayed that someone would come help him. He clawed desperately at Dean's shirt and hooked his fingers into the stretchy material. He took a shuddering breath and rested his head on Dean's chest.

"Castiel!" Uriel's voice was loud and clear and Cas winced at the sound of it. Uriel was standing there, shadowy wings spread out behind him. "What is wrong with you?" he tipped his head to the side curiously.

Cas opened his eyes weakly. "I'm sick…"

Dean tightened his arms around the angel. "Can you help him?" he asked, trying to control the shake in his voice. He quietly asked Cas the name of the angel who had just appeared and cas tried to mumble Uriel's name though he wasn't sure if he succeeded.

Uriel came closer and peered at Cas. "Perhaps… I have seen this before… Your vessel is… Ill and not under your control..." he looked Dean in the eye. "I can heal him, but only if he comes to heaven with me."

Dean shoved Castiel upright. "Then take him! Take him and fix this!"

Cas moved back, away from Uriel as if he was scared. The truth was that he was terrified of what Uriel would say, that he wouldn't let Castiel back into heaven.

Uriel sighed and rubbed his hands together, dark eyes flickering to Dean's hand as it curled around Castiel's. "I'm afraid… healing him will take a long time. Years. And we must heal his vessel as well… which involves sending him home and wiping his memory."

"So? I don't care about his stupid vessel, just heal him, damn it!" Dean pushed Cas forwards, a panicked look on his face.

Uriel held up a hand. "I'm afraid you may never get to see him again," he said in a completely neutral voice.

Dean froze. He squeezed Cas' hand and stared into those terrified, blue eyes. "So… either way I'm going to lose him?"

Uriel nodded.

Dean bit his lip and let his hand fall to his side. "Then take him," he whispered, voice breaking and a tear rolling down his cheek. He wiped at it angrily. "Just… just take him…"

Cas' eyes widened and he shook his head. Then he stared down at the ground and nodded slowly. "Dean… I'll be gone for years."

Dean took a deep breath. "I know. But Cas, you… you're dying, man…. I'd rather lose you, but know you're okay than lose you forever."

Cas looked back up at Uriel who turned backed off to give them some privacy. "Dean… If I go, you won't be okay."

Dean scratched his forehead. "I'll be fine. I'll just… I guess… I'll miss you." He cringed as the words passed his lips.

Castiel's eyes seemed to go flat as he reached out to take Dean's hand again. "I don't want you to miss me…" he couldn't believe what he was about to do. "I don't want to miss you either… So, I'm going to get Uriel and the others to do something for both of us."

Dean's eyes narrowed. He felt a bit sick thinking about whatever it was that Cas was planning. "What are you going to, Cas?" He clenched his fists

"Uriel will erase both of our memories."

"The hell he will!" Dean's voice was a shaky whisper. His stomach flipped and he didn't know what to do. Fear took hold of him. Real, genuine fear… something he hadn't really felt in a while. "I am not letting that son of a bitch anywhere near me!"

Cas reached out a hand as if to tell Dean that he meant no harm. There was a drop of blood on his forehead in place of sweat. "I don't want to miss you."

Dean climbed to his feet. "Cas… All of those memories… everything we've been through… they can't just.. not have happened! You were my fucking imaginary friend for God's sake!"

"All of that will still have happened. We just won't remember any of it."

Dean turned on Uriel who had backed into a dark corner. "Can you really do this?" he was trying desperately to hold back the tears. He couldn't cry in front of people.

Uriel nodded once.

Castiel tried to stand up, but he couldn't do it without Dean grabbed his arm and helping him up. "Dean," he panted, wincing and wiping at his forehead with the back of his hand. "Please…"

Dean nodded and placed a hand on Castiel's shoulder. He pulled him into a hug and kissed his neck tenderly. "I'm going to miss you…"

"No. You really won't. You can't miss something you've never had."

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas' waste and held him close. "I love you," he whispered.

Castiel grinned and hugged Dean back as a tear made its way down his cheek. "I guess that means that I love you too." He pushed Dean back a bit so he could kiss him. "I wish that this was something I could remember… I don't want to go back to how I was… but I have to."

Dean buried his face in Cas' neck. "I… love… you…" Tears spilt over and he tried to sniff them back.

_Thank you…_Jimmy whispered. The lucky bastard got to go home.

Cas bit his lip and pulled back from Dean. He turned to Uriel, who nodded in response. "Goodbye, Dean… perhaps we will meet again someday." He smiled sadly. It was highly unlikely, though the chances were that everyone else's memories of Cas ever being around would be erased as well.

Dean took Cas' hand. "How is this going to happen?" He didn't notice Uriel stepping up behind his and holding a hand over his head,

Cas squeezed that calloused hand. "It's already happening…" He started tipping backwards and two more angel appeared out of nowhere and took his arms before he smacked into the ground.

"No. No! No, I'm not ready!" Dean tried to tug Uriel's hand off of his head, but the angel was strong and a strange, paralysing feeling started spreading through him. It started at his head and moved down. He could feel himself… fading. It was like when you're thinking of things while you're trying to sleep and you let your mind wander for one second, and suddenly you don't remember what you were thinking about. It was a frustrating experience. Dean held onto his memories of Castiel with all of the strength he possessed, but he could feel them starting to sift way. He felt those old memories of the angel forcing their way into his head before he forgot them completely. "Goodbye, Castiel," he whispered as the world around him went out of focussed and faded away completely.

The last thing he heard was a deep, rough voice saying his name, voice breaking in the middle of the word.

Then all of those memories were lost.


	11. Epilogue: Raised From Perdition

Dean can feel the effects of sleeping too long as soon as he wakes up. He is groggy and his eyes are refusing to open. He reaches under the pillow to make sure that his gun is still there as he does every morning. He feels kind of sad… like he's lost something important. He should remember but he doesn't. He can hear Sammy and his dad arguing just outside the door. He wishes that they would stop. He feels like his family is falling to pieces. He sits up, having finally managed to crack his eyes open. His throat is all scratchy and as he sits there listening to Sam shouting, he feels tears trickle down his cheeks. He doesn't know why… Sam shouting isn't something that would make him cry. Dean knows that he had lost something. He feels sad about something and he can't remember what. What is it? Why is he crying? He wipes his eyes and uses over-sleeping an excuse.

Jimmy rolls over and falls straight out of his bed. He tries to catch himself before he crashes to the floor, but he fails miserably and hits his head on the windowsill. He already has a splitting headache and he feels like he's been asleep for years. He forces his eyes open and blinks around at his room, his boring old room with the single photo of his parents hanging on the wall. There are only two pieces of furniture in the room apart from his bed, the small wardrobe and a single, white chair that sits in the corner. Jimmy clambers to his feet, rubbing at the back of his head and wincing. He has to go into work today. It's a Monday. Mondays are stupid. Jimmy notices something off about his room… something that shouldn't be there. He staggers over to his chair and reaches out for the light coloured trench coat that is folded neatly over it. It smells the same as the rest of his apartment and as he tries it on, he gets the feeling that it belongs here. Perhaps he got drunk and bought it, so now he can't remember. He looks in the full length mirror on the front of his wardrobe and he starts feeling kind of sick. He ignores the feeling and tugs on the sleeves of the coat. It's a bit big for him, so he shrugs it off and opens the wardrobe. He puts the coat on a hanger and moves it to the back. He does like the coat, so as he walks out into his lounge room, he decides that maybe he'll grow into it as he gets older. Maybe he'll wear it some other time.

**10 years later – **

A flash of pure white light is followed by a scream of pain. The scream isn't Dean's, but someone he'd been…. Well, torturing. Dean hated that word. It was too strong.

Dean's hand breaks through the surface of the earth and he struggles to pull the rest of himself up. He gasps in as much air as he can and turns his head to the sky. The sun is something that he has missed. He doesn't know how, but he got out. Someone or something rescued him. He vaguely remembers a bright white shape… grabbing hold of his arm and that was it. That is all he can really remember.

Dean gets to his feet and looks around. He'd been buried. Why did they burry him? His confusion is increased as he turns to see that he's lying in what looks kind of like a crater. It's not a hole in the ground, but every single tree surrounding his has been flattened. He doesn't think on it for too long. Right now, he's just glad that he's out.

Castiel watches Dean Winchester from afar. His 'hand' still tingles with that strange zap of familiarity from touching Dean's arm. Castiel can't figure out why that had happened. He watches Dean walk to a small store curiously. Should he try to talk to him? Perhaps the strange feeling is a sign that Dean can hear his voice. His real voice. Castiel tries to reach out to Dean. He just wants to talk. In fact, the angel really just wants to ask Dean how he is feeling…

The windows blow out and Dean falls to the ground, obviously in pain.

Castiel is disappointed, but not really surprised.

Dean Winchester is just a human. Why should he be able to hear an angel's voice?

Castiel continues watching Dean. He watches him for ages and doesn't once get bored.

~~

_"When Castiel first laid a hand on you in hell, he was lost!"_

Cas hears those words and he looks down at his feet. He has the strangest feeling that he was lost long before that.

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**Note: **So, that's the end of that. I really, really hope you guys liked it and I would honestly like nothing more than to hear your thoughts on my writing. I have now run out of things to write and I'm going to get so bored... so please, let me know if you have anything you'd like me to write... any ideas or anything?

Thanks so much for taking the time to read this and thanks ever so much for the reviews and other such stuff. You guys are awesome.


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